I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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