it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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