I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
