He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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