I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
