so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
