So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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