a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
