I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
