I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
