DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
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Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
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Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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