This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
