stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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