I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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