my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
