Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
