he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
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