sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
