Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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