I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
