she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
