I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
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