so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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