So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
