Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We have started to decorate penises.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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