Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
