I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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