Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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