I hate all girls vehemently.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
