Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
