It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
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I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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