but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize