is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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