What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
