you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
