i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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