if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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