I like my sex mixed with concussions.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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