You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
this hospital has no fireball
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
