Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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