My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
