You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
