if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
