I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
