So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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