Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You don't make any sense
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