PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
