Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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