I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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