When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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