if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
