Where are you?
In a non slutty way
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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