I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
