My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
