dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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