it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
