remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
