fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
