I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
