i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
time to smoke my breakfast
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
