lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
