I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
