after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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