K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
